You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
