put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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