: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
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reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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