ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
