This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
