If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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