That's intense
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I forget how to act sober
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
