something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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