Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
