oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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