are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
