u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
