I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
