I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize