Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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