just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
