Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
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she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
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HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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