How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
