i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
What a dumb baby whore.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
