the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
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She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
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But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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