we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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