Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
