If that was your dad, he is hot
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
