OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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