I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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