dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
