I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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