I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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