I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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