She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
