i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
