How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I supernannyed him into submission
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
