THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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