I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
