lets start a swedish sibling band together
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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