So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My pussy is not your playground.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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