Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
