You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Vodka?
Forever.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
