I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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