I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
