There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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