we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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