i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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