This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
