dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it hurts more in the daytime
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
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hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"