I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize