Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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