Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
