You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
