i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
