well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
