I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
