he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
