Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
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I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
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As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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