Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Your cock deserves a montage
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
