On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I AM VODKA MAN
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
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