My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
