come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
