nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
