i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
