im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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