If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i will never coherently bang her
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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