woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You took a bar mat shot.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
