I puked a lego.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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