I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
