Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
