belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
