I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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