with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
